Better Than Nothing

On paydays circa 1996 my first concerns were to buy groceries and gas before anything else. I had the kids on weekends and whatever I purchased had to last for two weeks.

Sometimes there was a little cash left over. All of my CDs had been pawned to pay rent and no real assets remained except for my computer, which featured a CD player. I had very few books and had read them all four or five times.

Circuit City, Best Buy, even Big Lots sold classical music CDs for one dollar, and soon my collection had grown to about a dozen.

During the week this was my soundtrack; Haydn, Bach, Strauss, Chopin, Beethoven. They all kept me company while I was alone.

As I lay in bed tonight, struggling for something to write, this is all I can manage as Bach’s Brandenburgs play on my headphones.

And it reminds me how fucking alone I am. In a world where feeling is rare, you know what?

I’ll take it.

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4 thoughts on “Better Than Nothing

  1. “The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of the infinite glory of grace.” -viktor frankl

    From someone who went many years burying and hiding from feelings, I agree. Give it to me, I’ll feel it.

    • Thanks for the comment, Steve. I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve, but this death inside…is numbing.

      “And you say it’s going to happen now, but when exactly do you mean? See, I’ve already waited too long, and all my hope is gone.” -Morrissey

  2. Sending you positive energy.

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